have had a intersting break through thismorning, i have an almost pathological need for people to be happy, spent all of my child hoodwanting to keepmy father happy, therefore my life would be easier, but i also liked to question why. the two do not go hand in hand. MY GOD i was to scared to have a showewr as a teenager at night just in case some thing happened and people were not happy when i got back and did not know why not condusive to a happy child hood or calm teenager, why did no one notice i was so unhappy and anxious, kept waiting for some one to ask me but no one did. I eventually asked for h
why should asking why get you in to trouble? do i have to keep the peace even as an adult, no i do not think so. other wise i have to eat anad eating has not yet solved anything except to make me uncomfertable and frightened to go to shopsand beauty counters cause i am undeserving, well this is all changing. i stillsee myself as the fat girl but this is no longer true,i am a triathelete and a normal size person(a large normalsize but not grossly fat) to be honest ido not thinkiwas every grossly fat (105kg 5 foot 3) obese but not grossly fat.
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