this morning i was in the shower, and the water was running down my hair, when i had a flash back to my paste, was 19 years old just started my training as a nurse and we where going to be capped this day... my hair has never been neat i have very thick but baby fine hair that basically has a mind of it own, this particualarly day my mother decided no daughter of hers was going to look straggley so she cut it that morning, why did i let her- was getting her individed attention at the moment somthing i never really had. this got me to thinking of my realationship with my mother - basically it is non extitince we have nothing in commen and those times we have been in the same room or car by are selves i never really know what to say to her, i found her annoying at times.. her normal response to any statement about what i am wearing is the young one ones all wear that now - one i am 48 and two i like to think i have an individual style. my mother just sits there during conversations as a family and makes absolutly no comments, its very odd haave asked her why she just says she likess to listen.. but then she tries so hard to be obliging if some one commetns on her art and craft stuff next thing i knew growing up was she was making it for them, this sounds very selfish i realize but we never devloped that mother daughter realtaionship is this my fault or is it hers, but i never really felt protected by my mother and as result have formed a barrier to stop myself from hurting,she annoys me and my parents both my mother and father are people i see as an obligation for me this is the only safe way i can manage my realtionship with them
this also got me to thinking of my relatonship with women in general, i never had aclsoe female friend growing up, and i fewl this has in so me way affected my relationship with females in general am learning to trust them and i blessed with some lovely female friends now
as for my hair, well my hair is window to how i am feeling, if my hair behaves i usually am felling good if my hair is crazy i am usually feeling abit out of control, when it is lank i usally am feeling lank yiu get the oicture, its like my soul is attached to my hair, the time it always feel right is when i am at the gym and its pony tail is boping along then i feel great
so from a shower this morning i decided that my relationship with my mother was going to ruin my day and bring up all the fears i have of women in senior positions (note i say female they terrify me and make me feel small) had thought i had gotten over this but in a period of weakness and perhaps tieredness all this came to the fore spent the day in a daze of nearly tears, and headachey not a pleasent feeling
but i think i get it now i let myself get carried away with old ways of thinking not my new way of thinking. so ok it happpend today but i am on track again, this tiime span is getting smaller between the thought and the resoltution, in the past its taken me weeks if not months to realize it is just a thought and not a reality
so thankoyu for listening
patricia
Friday, August 5, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
august 3 2011
day 3 of blogger challange
was an interestin day today train the trainer for chronic disease self managment - flinders programme
my 3 minute presentation was on motivational interviewing- i really did not know how i was going to get the message across, so decided to tell my story and how i floated in the change cycle and how being aware of where some one is in the change cycle is important before trying to get the person to see change is needed. there where times when people pointing out to me that i was making changes but i could do this or i was looking really well managed to out me back a few steps
was very interesting telling my story i am lived the example of chronic disease self managment, was told i was brave sharing this story but for me it was not a choice it was riped to be told and it worked so well when trying to discuss how motivational interviewing can work but needs to be done with care and knowledge of where the client is up to,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
was an interestin day today train the trainer for chronic disease self managment - flinders programme
my 3 minute presentation was on motivational interviewing- i really did not know how i was going to get the message across, so decided to tell my story and how i floated in the change cycle and how being aware of where some one is in the change cycle is important before trying to get the person to see change is needed. there where times when people pointing out to me that i was making changes but i could do this or i was looking really well managed to out me back a few steps
was very interesting telling my story i am lived the example of chronic disease self managment, was told i was brave sharing this story but for me it was not a choice it was riped to be told and it worked so well when trying to discuss how motivational interviewing can work but needs to be done with care and knowledge of where the client is up to,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
august 2 2011
hi welcome to my day
spent most of it in work shop train the trainer, i am not sure they trained me to train anything, the chronic care model was gone through but no hints on actulaly running a group or how to actual train people, maybe i was expecting the wrong thing, in fact it was not really until the end of the day i was clear on what was expected of us and that was because i aked the question, we are going to be critiqued on the way we run are session, i have given talks before and i have been told i do them well even though i have been "shitting" myself i find that humor works for me. but i have never presented some one elses own work in a strucutred way. we are sctually presenting part of a very structured two day workshop......
maybe humor will get me out of this one,,, i have the motivational interview technique to present ??????
in other news was in the shops trying to get cereal for breakfast and some youghurt but i also found my self drolling at the cakes and the self saucing puddings, decided to have a blue berry self saucing oudding for dinne (nothing else) but decided it was to much hard work cause i also needed eggs???? so put it down passed the cream cakes in the bakery (and i do not even like cream cakes) would have bought one but kept on walking.
came home stood looking in the empty cupboard and screamed i want biscut i want cake i want bread was looking for somthing soft and creamy and stodgey but instead ate my lite and easy seafood pasta and some youghurt with a sprinkle of cereal.... still want cake and bread will see how i feel on tomorrow and if stilll craving somthing soft and gooey may buy a cake eat two mouth fuls then step on it and throw in bin
but for now i had better prepare my presentation for tomorrow
speak later
patricia
spent most of it in work shop train the trainer, i am not sure they trained me to train anything, the chronic care model was gone through but no hints on actulaly running a group or how to actual train people, maybe i was expecting the wrong thing, in fact it was not really until the end of the day i was clear on what was expected of us and that was because i aked the question, we are going to be critiqued on the way we run are session, i have given talks before and i have been told i do them well even though i have been "shitting" myself i find that humor works for me. but i have never presented some one elses own work in a strucutred way. we are sctually presenting part of a very structured two day workshop......
maybe humor will get me out of this one,,, i have the motivational interview technique to present ??????
in other news was in the shops trying to get cereal for breakfast and some youghurt but i also found my self drolling at the cakes and the self saucing puddings, decided to have a blue berry self saucing oudding for dinne (nothing else) but decided it was to much hard work cause i also needed eggs???? so put it down passed the cream cakes in the bakery (and i do not even like cream cakes) would have bought one but kept on walking.
came home stood looking in the empty cupboard and screamed i want biscut i want cake i want bread was looking for somthing soft and creamy and stodgey but instead ate my lite and easy seafood pasta and some youghurt with a sprinkle of cereal.... still want cake and bread will see how i feel on tomorrow and if stilll craving somthing soft and gooey may buy a cake eat two mouth fuls then step on it and throw in bin
but for now i had better prepare my presentation for tomorrow
speak later
patricia
Monday, August 1, 2011
august one 2011
have set my self a challange of blogging each day for the month of august
starting weight 70.5 kg 35% body fat height 161cm
goal weight for 31.8.2011 67kg not sure how much body fat i can loose cause i have neve really paid much attention to that measurment???
brilliant day today, what more can i say.
work ticked all the boxes- find it is better when i am left alone and do not have to worry about all the different personalities, especially those that are on a pwer trip at the moment, thankfully i am in the position to be able to shut my office and ignore them if i want.....
but the highlight of my day was the personal training session i had didnot wear a HRM but i can tell you i burnt heaps especially on the bike 3 x 2min sprints on the bike alone equalled 90 cals in 6 min not bad. but what with weights session and everything else you can imagine and the versa climber (my all time favorite peice of eqiupment) and finishing of with 10 minutes on the bike 5 min down on level 13 and 5 mins up at level 19 i was spent by the end of the session
so what i am i going to get from this blog, well it depends on my day my mood and what takes my fancey so this is my life it can be boring it can be a bit crazy and i can get a bit odd but it is me and i hope you enjoy it if you have any comments feel free to share
highlights to look forward to tomorrow i am going on a 2 day workshop train the trainer wich is going to take me out of my comfort zone but am strangley looking forward to it so see you tomorrow
patricia
starting weight 70.5 kg 35% body fat height 161cm
goal weight for 31.8.2011 67kg not sure how much body fat i can loose cause i have neve really paid much attention to that measurment???
brilliant day today, what more can i say.
work ticked all the boxes- find it is better when i am left alone and do not have to worry about all the different personalities, especially those that are on a pwer trip at the moment, thankfully i am in the position to be able to shut my office and ignore them if i want.....
but the highlight of my day was the personal training session i had didnot wear a HRM but i can tell you i burnt heaps especially on the bike 3 x 2min sprints on the bike alone equalled 90 cals in 6 min not bad. but what with weights session and everything else you can imagine and the versa climber (my all time favorite peice of eqiupment) and finishing of with 10 minutes on the bike 5 min down on level 13 and 5 mins up at level 19 i was spent by the end of the session
so what i am i going to get from this blog, well it depends on my day my mood and what takes my fancey so this is my life it can be boring it can be a bit crazy and i can get a bit odd but it is me and i hope you enjoy it if you have any comments feel free to share
highlights to look forward to tomorrow i am going on a 2 day workshop train the trainer wich is going to take me out of my comfort zone but am strangley looking forward to it so see you tomorrow
patricia
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