i reached 70 what now

three and half years a go my goal was to reach 70 kg, a loss of 40 kg for those who know me they will know this has not been a walk in the park, but when has any ones weight loss been easy, so i am not saying my loss was special but it was special to me. i have come along way since i walked into the gym and said i want to be loose 40kg by august (i meant the august of 2008 not 2011)

but i have done it my thougths was that a 40 plus women heading rapidly to 50 i did not want to be onew of these people having to maintain her weight all the time for me 70 seemed doable and maintainable - please note at 161 cm i would still be like 7 kg over weight. but i thought at the time it would be a majic number


see i used 'thought at the time' times have changed my goals have changed.

i have reached 70 did it about 6 weeks ago and i became bored and wanted to enjoy being 70 so i stoppped watching what i ate from a strickt point of view i still did eat healthy except from an interesting binge i had the other day did not binge cause i was bored lonely upset angry i was lazy...

i have maintained a weight of 70-72 kg for six weeks have been told on numerous occasions on a daily basis i look good and when i say i still have 10 to go they look at me and say no you will be to skinny, this makes me angry so i smile and say thankyou but i am doing it if i want to achive my personal goals

whioch brings us back to know i have been injured the last 10 weeks first of all a calf injury due to over training, and then just getting over the calf i ramped ip my running from 1 km to 6km unfortunatly my back decided it was not going to join in so again i was grounded, please note during these times i was still training but at a reduced intensity.

so what is going to happen now

my goal is to run the adelaide half marathon in 2012 to enter and be competitve in the tim man triatholons in 2011-12 this year, to do this i need to be at least 65 kg
i M lso going to be applying for a new position to follow my dream of being slef employed independent practioner --- this is a five year plan and i am studying towards this as we speak

am working witha fantastic trainer whi knows me very well my strenghts and weakness
and i have learnt about my self

i am determined i am strong and persistent i am also an atractive women am reachinf a certain age i am also soft and loveable i amlike my favorite choclates the fan tale soft on the out side but as stong as nails on the inside

so yes i am at my goal but goals change i have enjoyed and found out that i can maintain 70 with indulging with in reason so there is no reason to ever get above this weight again.

but 62 is my goal know that is 8 -10 kg to loose so if i remember what i did when is was 80 kg and put it into motion like i did then so have beene there and done it once infact i have done it four times 110- 100 100-90 90-80 80-70 nothing has changed but everything has changed

my goals have stayed the same to be the best version of me that i can be to like myself and have fun whilst doing it

are you ready cause i am sure ready

secret eating secret shame

was readibg a fellow bloggers post on anorexia and eating disorders, this lead me to remembering my own eating disorder and triggered responses from others. yes secret eating is an eating disorder why others did it i do not know, but i know why i did it was a control issue. you can tell me what to do in wmy life but i can control what i put in my mouth sound familiar but instead of control my diet by not eating i controlled it by eating, usually in secret. other times when growing up i would send the family out of the kitchen dinning room with the offer to do the dishes, why so i could eat all the left overs they would not know. i never had my emmergency money when i was at school i ate it at macdonalds on the way home then had my dinner. after training as a young adult i would get hot chips to keep me companey on the walk home.
when i got my drivers liscene i allways offered to get the take away, this gave me an excuse to eat extra food on the way home, and then eat as per noraml for dinner. one occasion i went to a hamburger shop ordered what i thought was four hamburgers and chips, i ended up with ten rather then tell the person i wanted four not ten (yes i paid for them) i ate the extra six beofre home cause i was to scared to tell my famuily what happened and i was to scared to tell the shop assistance - i could have thrown them away but i ate them.......
when travelling i always found time to go of by myself so i could eat.....
when i fisrt started to loose weight about 6 years ago when ever people told me i was doing really well my first thought was you can not control me so i went shopping bought a paket of bbq shapes and some choclate and hid them in my bed room (was sharing a house at this stage) and ate them under my covers to prove no one controlled me
you get the picture, i could tell you more stories but for me it was control and contol is somthing i have learnt is somthing i can not control there are things i can and things i cannot i cannot control other people but i can control my reaction to them.


we all have a secret eating disorder i have many more, picinics was another fave of mine, they where usually private but they where not secret-- metwerst, cheese, pate and crackers but not one serve i would eat several. multiple serves of all of these. but i called them picinics


mid night snacks - ten or more slices of toast with cheese yum yum what about stoping after a late at work and getting two whooppers whith chips then going to bed and getting up at 0600/

my fave was hot chips and gravey at 1600 then falling asleep and figuring it was 1830 and time for dinner so having a whole family size pizza with garlic bread..


yep i had a few and i am sure you have a few stroires of your own

during high school buttered roll wiht chips was my fave recess snack folowed by a pastie or two at lunch

had better stop am feeling upset about what i did to myself i ma not this person any more secret eating is a thing of my past, but i still feel gulty if i eat crisps and feel like i am going to be judged

but as i said i can not control other peoples reactions but i can contol how i choose to react.////////////////////it is still a work in progress and somtimes i fell it would be so much easier to be fat but life is not about being easy it is about being the best version of me it is about steping out of my comfert zone it is about embrassing challanges it is about hugging as many people as i can find it as about living my life for me it is about me because it is my life it is also about supporting others like they supported me it is also about enjoyment so if i want to eat choclate get the best choclate ever made and eat with mindfullness if i want crisps do not gorge them in one mouth ful saviour the taste it is about not wasting time on things or people that bring me down it is about challanging my boundries it is not about secret shame it is about living shamlessley and about having fun whilst doing it i am reaching the seconed half of my century i have grafted and struggled now it is time to let loose and just enjoy life be who i am and follow my pathways will not call them dreams cause dreams are just that i am on the pathway to achieve what i want and yeo like most pathways it will have lumps and bumps and t junction but i don ot live in shame any more i donot live a secret life i live a life that is mine and only mine i will support those thaty want my support i will cheer on those i admire and i will always be here for my friends and i will never again eat a packet of bbq shapes under the covers and if some one sells my ten hamburgers i will question there hearing