retreart

revelatins galore this weekend, have been on retreat what an experince, silince but not in an uncomfortable way. meditation yoga and vegiatarein food. introspection, perhaps not the goal of retret but for me a worthwhile exercises.

have been on a very long and at time arduors journey. have learnt al lot about myself, but if twelve months ago you told me that every one goes through the same things and every ones has problems i wouled not have believed you and felt that you were belittling my issues and not truley understanding how much i was hurting to belive that i would actulally feel better even up to a month ago was not in my psyche i was to busy surviivng but things are begining to come around. and ican honselty say i like my self but this has not allways been true

an incidence on retreat really bought this home to me, there was a women who was obviosly going through somthing hard and i felt like i had been her, tears dopeed anger was felt and feeling of isolation abounded, been there done that but if any one told me it was normal and every one felt it i would have been angry and would probably have left ( not probably i would have left driven out of there gone on a loong drive and then have come back, escape was my main goal escape from myself and a situation i felt uncomfertable in i did it and i did it better then most, leaving a room is what i did best) but this has finished now and i embrace situations as they come.

so what i have i learnt,it is about choice not control, this ihave fought with for a very long time evengetting i to arguments about it, but most importantly have learnt about contentment, som thing i felt was nota goal,feeling that contentment was somthing you achived only at the end of life but have realized if i wait this long to be content with my achivemnet it will be to late just because i am content with my achivments doe not mean i will not strive for more,whilst happines which i thought was somthing you should be able to acheive is unattainable 24/7 but a fleeting moment of joy that ahould be savoured

cannot promise i will be level all the time but i can try so any one going through there own journey live it love it and saviour avery moment cause these moments make you who you are and iwould not give up any thing i havegone through cause it makes me who i am and that is me.