do i do i not

hi is out of the fire into the flammes. am moving out of my current accomadation share rental (for the last 15 years) and buying a house with my sister. but in the mean time and moving in with my sister in her rental house to save money (rent free)we are not that close and she knows none of my secrets and we do not really socialize, but we have the same child hood, though she had friends and i did not she was popular and i was not, god thinking about this makes me sad but there is one thing i can argue with her and she is my sister so she isnot allowed to hate me for that and i can tell her to cleanup her mess. the plan is to rent for six months wilst i save money about 600 a fortnight and get more money for the deposit. then we will but together looking for a larger house sowe have are own space and twobathrooms are a must.

she is quite controling over me and feels she can tell me how to dress do my hair (remember i am 47 and a year older then her) so it is a good move to move in butiam going to make sure i maintain my independence and identidy,

growing up she was always the more beautiful and slimmer and my parents wanted me to look like her what am i thinking still confused but is it to late the wheels are in motion and i have to move out of my current accomadation the girl i share with is driving me insane, hope fully are friendship will rekindle when we donot see each other every day but i am thinking it will just evapeorte which will be very sad, soi hope it does not. my sister will always be my sister wether i live with her or not so i will buy a house with her does not mean it has to be fore ever thankyou for listening

week 1

hi week one starts this week of the 12wbt what does this mean, it means commitment from me to achieve my goals it means giving up choclate,chips and cakes it means regular exercise it means getting out side my comfort zone and actually ahieving weight los.Most of all it means being organzied and that means shopping and taking my lunch to work and eating breakfast before 1000

can i loose 15 kg in 12 week, i will give it a crack and if i fail i will now that i gave it every thing.

an interesting thing when i am upset i can write and write usually from the heart and not very well thought out but when iam not upset depressed frustrated then the writtng does not happen, so this is a way to gauge my emotions at the moment they are on an even keel, feeling a bit scared about finishing the 12wbt and the final party not really good with strangers tend to become tounge tied and come over looking a bit slow when in reality i have a very odd sense of humor and love to dance and giggle so why am igetting stressed about somthing that may or may not happen i am not sure but this is what i do so maybe my goal should be just to go and have fun. every one seems to have found people to support them, again a very selfish thought cause it is not true and i have found plenty of support on the forumns and twitter plus i have lovely friends so this is the begining of week one and i wishmy self luck and as it does not come downtoluck i willworkhard and this is the promise to my self

more musings

why do i think that other people life is attached to mine, and why do i think my actions affect other people.

it is this thinking that gets me into trouble because i then get really upset on how i think people feel when they way they feel has usually nothing to do with me.
this makes sense now but in the heat of the moment it does not stop me from feeling this way